Month: April 2001

Philosophical Health Check – link poached shamelessly from Vaughan.

Things usually look better in the morning, and today they do. Probably because I slept well and had a few positive thoughts from friends. Also, Seamus’s tail seems better too, which is very good.

maybe I’m just too tired.

questions:
do I say too much here?
am I too open?
should I play my cards closer to my chest?
or is it best to be open?
or am I not open enough?
do I obfuscate?
do I think too much?
excessive analysis?
answers?

Talking of voids (you’re still with me on this, aren’t you?), rush out now and buy As She Climbed Across The Table by Jonathan Lethem. I picked this up in Waterstones this afternoon, and perched myself on one of their sofas to read. Within no time at all, I was up to page 60 – had to buy it – and progressed to chapter 24 on the train on the way home. So now I have two books on the go at once – never a good plan.

Beer briefly with Paul F on my return. Tonight’s topic of conversation – “gusset” – a feminine word that you just can’t love.

Today saw a trip to London for retail therapy. These establishments were the beneficiaries of my largesse.

Fantastic – today’s word of the day is internecine. There is certainly conflict of an internecine nature going on within me at the moment. Head or heart will be sacrificed in the slaughter. Maybe even both.

There is a void inside me.
Those who have read this blog for some time will know that I have had voids before. And dealt with them.
But this one is different.
In every previous instance, the void has been created by something leaving my life.
In this case, the void has occured because something hasn’t entered my life.
Not yet anyway. I maintain that hope.
It’s a void. A lack. A phantasm. Anti-matter for the soul.
And I’m not sure how to handle it.
I have questions. I can’t ask them. I can’t get answers. I’m not sure I’d want to hear the answers even if I could ask the questions. And I think the void has questions too.
Distractions? None found so far.

One month to my 30th birthday. Don’t forget.
Originally posted 12/4/01 at 2:26pm