god, this is so hard. I keep catching myself falling into a bit of a trap of self pity, which is incredibly easy to do, and I’m trying to avoid it. I know that if I do fall too far into that trap, I’m just going to piss people off.
\nLast night wasn’t easy. It was my first night back at college for the new term. I’d already let Heather, Leigh and Charlotte know (by e-mail) what was going on and not to expect me to be too cheerful. Inevitably there was lots of catching up to be done – none of us had seen each other for a month. We had a new tutor (Sandy) who is quite a laugh and there were a few jokes flying around. But there were hard moments too – Libby has got engaged over the Christmas period, which is really great but made me feel a bit sorry for myself. Then there was a discussion of peak business times during the year for the legal profession, and how they are always busy after Christmas dealing with relationships breaking up. I know these are stupid little things, but at the moment, some stupid little things can seem quite big.
\nWe’re going to go for a drink tonight after college, which will be good. It’ll save me going straight home, as that was one of the worst bits last night – I’m so used to going home from college and finding Andrea there waiting. Not that we ever did anything great or spectacular after I’d been to college – usually I just cooked our dinner and we went to bed. But I couldn’t help but think that that is not going to happen any more.
\nFood is an issue too at the moment. I have never been very good at cooking for one – not the actual cooking, but the quantities – cooking for two is so much easier. Since last Thursday (yes, one week today – only a week! it feels like years) I’ve eaten much less than normal – I’ve been trying to control my weight a bit anyway, so it’s good news on that score. I just have a problem with cooking anything. Last night was the first time I actually cooked much – reheated some veal escalopes (which weren’t very nice) and did some vegetables. Then when it was ready, I just picked at it.
\nI guess it’s just that I’ve got so used to doing everything with Andrea, all those little everyday things that normally you don’t think about, that doing anything on my own is a struggle and brings back memories. Last night I sat with my dinner, looking across the table to where she used to sit.
\nOK – I am wallowing now. It’s not helping me. It’s probably pissing you off. I’ll try and stop it.
\nAt least I’ve got some work done this morning.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
god, this is so hard. I keep catching myself falling into a bit of a trap of self pity, which is incredibly easy to do, and I’m trying to avoid it. I know that if I do fall too far into that trap, I’m just going to piss people off. Last night wasn’t easy. It […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-very-old-blogging"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/grayblog.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/grayblog.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/grayblog.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/grayblog.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/grayblog.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=321"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/grayblog.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/grayblog.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=321"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/grayblog.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=321"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/grayblog.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=321"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}