Category: old blogging

I’m shattered. This emotional rollercoaster is hard work. Last night was really hard work, filled as I was with the feeling of being loved and also the feeling of not being loved, by various people. My friends were, as usual, absolutely fantastic. I’ve found over the past few weeks who the really good friends truly are, and I’ve also found a few new friends too.
But the hurt is deep, and I’m going to need time to heal.
Right now, though, I think I’ll take a snooze before heading down the bar later for a quiet pint.

a night filled with:
– good friends
– good company
– pain
– tears
– heartache
– a glimmer of hope

god knows what the future holds. I used to think that there could be stability and you could at least plan vaguely, but now I know that isn’t true and, for me at least, can never be true. all I know is that the feeling of massive change is still surrounding me, and I really don’t know how to deal with it. just take it as it comes I guess. I wish someone was here to hold me and tell me I’m doing the right thing.

Very, very sad indeed.

most regretted bit of the last 24 hours: not talking to that nice girl with the black hair and pretty smile who was stood by the kitchen door in W2 last night. not that seeing someone new at the moment would be a good idea at all, as I’m still all tied up inside over the one that went before. did a few cathartic things in the last 24 hours though, and managed not to cry about them until this morning – which is good in a funny kinda way.

least anticipated bit of the day so far: going to the bar tonight (which is good) but wondering who will be there (which may not be so good).

best bit of the day so far: having a couple of beers and lunch with Sarah.

most irritating moment of the day so far: purchasing a sealed CD (the Goldfrapp album) from MVC only to find out when I get it home that the case is empty. guh. and worse still, they don’t have another one on stock and so I’ve had to order the replacement. double guh. so deferred new-music-enjoyment for me.

in the face of Valentine’s Day cutesy yuck, Robyn offers the world half-sucked sweets. neat.

last night, headed down the bar and drank in the company of James, Kearn, Arron and Paul – decidedly lacking in female company. Still, going to put that right later today by having lunch with Sarah and possibly DAGS if she is about.
Paul is still ragging me about describing Could Be Good as “nice” and says he is thinking about changing the name of the band to “Could Be Nice” – which, now that I think about it, is actually quite catchy in a camp kinda way.

following on from my rant the other day about dignity, I think that the people involved in this story, especially Lucie’s father, have acted with amazing levels of dignity in the face of absolutely horrifying circumstances.