Category: old blogging

Well. Hmm. What a strange world we live in.
"What next?" is the inevitable question. Goodness knows, but I think I can be sure that I’ll be looking for more conventional things in the future.
Sorry to obfuscate quite so much. There’s not much more I can say.

So, after lunch of scrambled egg with salmon on toast, I think I shall go for a walk. I need to get outside more, away from the computer, and back into my old ways of regular exercise and enjoying my own company. At least I know that is real, and usually isn’t too weird.

I’m currently stood outside Thursday’s nightclub. Big up to Bren, Greg, Kearn, Arron, Jo, Wanda, Julie, Andy, Andy and Andrew. I’m eating an overpriced burger at nearly 1am whilst exchanging text messages with people far away. This place is full of young flesh and it isn’t attractive. As I say, a strange weekend.

For how long do you think you could maintain a lie, keep up a story? Especially when the person to whom you are telling this tale is someone that feels very deeply for you, feelings that are built upon the story you have told. A hour? A day? A week? More than a year?

I’m having a very strange weekend. I feel used, cheated, deceived and very hurt. I also feel stupid, naïve, gullible and foolish. I’ve broken all my own personal rules, rules I’d made as a result of hard won experience.

The thing is, now that I know the truth, I feel that a burden has been lifted from my shoulders, a burden that, as the sharp-eyed amongst you may have noticed, settled on me yesterday evening. I feel an element of freedom now, though last night was filled with anguish, sadness and even tears.

Over the last year, someone has been telling me a story. I believed the story. The story was very convincing, largely because it was clearly based on fact. But two critical elements of the story, two elements that were fundamental to the whole thing, plus a whole bunch of other parts of the story, were false. That falsehood was maintained throughout, right up until this evening, more than 15 months since the falsehoods were first uttered.

I don’t like being lied to. White lies I can excuse, though I may resent them. But out and out, brazen telling of absolute falsehoods, especially when those falsehoods have been told for personal gain or to achieve one’s own ends, make me very angry, hurt and upset. Especially when my emotions have been played with.

I’ve been lied to before. Those people are no longer on my Christmas lists, shall we say. It’s my nature to trust people that I meet until I have evidence to dissuade me from doing so. I may have to review that, and become much more circumspect.

This time, I feel no malice. Well, not much. I’m not really sure what I feel, to be honest, aside from the knee-jerk reactions I described above. At least they have had the decency to come clean, and I respect that. I certainly would have felt much more pain, sorrow and sadness if I had not known.

I need more time to think about this, to come up with a reaction. In the meantime, I’m going to the bar. As I say, it’s been a very strange weekend.

Lunch with Sarah earlier in St Martin’s Tea Rooms. She suggested that I might write a book, a sort of autobiography. I’ve almost got enough material.
sigh.

[earlier post deleted]

I’m worried.
I have my mobile with me.
I’m hoping for a call.

I’m taking this afternoon off work. I intend to spend most of the weekend away from the computer (if not all weekend!), with mobiles switched off and the phone unplugged. So expect quiet.

MoD expert goes missing. Let’s hope the man is safe and well, but if he isn’t, it could be enough to bring down the Government.
UPDATE: body found. Formal identification awaited. I think the shit is about to hit the fan.

Two elements to this evening. Firstly, David came over to measure the place up in preparation for my planning application for new windows (how long have I been saying I’m going to do this? At last, some progress!). Unfortunately, we quickly discovered a problem in that the windows I planned to buy do not fit the holes that the existing ones will leave behind, by a considerable margin. It’s not insurmountable – Frannie and I will just have to have windows made, unless I can find another company that offer timber-framed sash windows that are closer to the correct dimensions. However, either way, it is going to add considerably to the cost, which was pretty horrendous to start with.
Secondly, I’ve been tidying the flat. It is much tidier now. All I have left to do is to hoover the floor, do a small amount of washing up and change the bedsheets, all of which I’ll do tomorrow afternoon.
In the course of tidying up, I’ve discovered that I have a shockingly large number of clothes, many of which I don’t wear any more. Can I really justify possessing 15 sweaters, for example? Especially when six of them are black.

Brighton and Hove Albion sell Bobby Zamora. We need the money, and being realistic, Brighton needed to sell him whilst his contract still had some time to run, so as to be sure of getting good value. Additionally, Bobby has had more than his fair share of injury troubles.
Now Brighton has something of a problem – namely a total lack of good forwards. Let’s see if Steve Coppell is given free rein to spend the money on some new talent.
UPDATE: BBC coverage.

I have a sore shoulder, probably from carrying my laptop, or maybe from sleeping awkwardly. In addition, there is a small annoying fly buzzing around my office today.
These are the things which are irritating me today. Just so you know.