Some of the regular readers will be wondering how I am feeling this weekend. For those not in the know, Kev and Andrea got married yesterday. If this means nothing to you, you can either read the January 2001 archives (pull down the "yesterblog" menu in the navbar on the right) or skip on to the next post.
Well, how do I feel? To be honest, it’s kind of hard to put into words. In a way, it was strange to not be at the wedding – Kev and I had at one point agreed to be each other’s Best Man if ever we were to find victims to marry, and many of my oldest friends from school and since will have been there. But equally, it would have been far more strange if I had gone – I would have felt intensely uncomfortable and out of place. It’s not that I feel anything for Andrea these days (rather the reverse in fact – I really have quite a low opinion of her) – it’s a long time in the past, and there are other people that have come and gone since then and left an impression on me (most notably Marianne).
I’m far more concerned with the present and the future. I have no idea what opportunities and challenges, of all varieties, lie around the corner. And the past is the past, and can not be changed. But equally I don’t think I will ever really find it in myself to forgive or forget what happened. It isn’t so much a case of bearing a grudge – it’s more that it was something painful that happened, and I’d like to put as much distance between me and those events as I possibly can. And it was a series of events which shook and hurt me in a way I had never experienced before and hope I’ll never experience again.
So, for those who are concerned: I’m fine, thanks – I’ve got great friends, I have plenty to look forward to, and the future looks bright.
separating the wanted from the unwanted