tonight, a soft and gentle rain is falling on Chichester. It is more like June than February, and is a brilliant mood enhancer. I have the feeling that the “old world order” is falling away from my life, and a new order is about to impose itself. Things which for the last year at least, and in some cases things from the last 15 to 20 years, things that I have taken as granted and stable are proving not to be so. Life is changing in ways I can barely comprehend, let alone deal with. New challenges and new opportunities are becoming evident, and, as a naturally reserved person who enjoys stability, this is a slightly disturbing concept. I really need someone to hug and be a point of stability to work from. I know that the first half of that sentence seems a bit weak (the hugging part), but I crave some physical contact, the feeling that I’m not alone. As for the second part of that sentence (the point of stability bit), well, I’m the sort of person who usually does not respond well to changes in circumstance, and prefers things to be cosy, and yet challenging, and it’s always easier to deal with change when you have a point of reference, of stability, to work from.
I guess that the challenge and the cosy are missing right now.
…and I feel very alone…
UPDATE:
don’t feel quite so alone now (following morning), probably because the beer has worn off. It has to be said that drinking does nothing to enhance the mood. Not that I’ve been drinking gallons, just a couple of pints, but that’s enough to be a bit of a downer. Besides, why should I feel alone? I’ve got some great mates who have been really patient and supportive during the recent melancholies. Basically I just need to give myself a good shake and stride purposefully into the future (whatever that may be).
separating the wanted from the unwanted