For some reason, I’ve woken up in a very negative mood today. Not a bad mood, you understand, but a negative one.
I recognise that one of my greatest weaknesses (don’t make me list the others – or at least don’t list them for me) is that I need fairly regular reassurance. Everyone seems to think that I have oodles of self confidence, and can walk into any situation and deal with it. But that’s a bit of a front, and sometimes I get as nervous and apprehensive as you can imagine. I guess I’ve just developed a strategy of putting on a confident (and occasionally brash) façade because it is the only way to get through a lot of business and social situations and thus to move forward in life.
So I need reassurance. I need people to tell me that I’m doing ok, that what I’ve done is good (and, for that matter, to make positive suggestions if things need to be changed). In relationships, I’ve always had a need for my partner to let me know that they are still thinking about me, that they still feel for me, even if they are far away. And sometimes it’s good if friends just come along and show me that they still want to be around.
It doesn’t always need words. In fact, it is probably better unspoken. Actions say much more.
And I know it isn’t terribly attractive. As I say, I do view it as a weakness. It isn’t a good thing.
But it is a part of me.